The Dawning of Kamalot: a Short Play in One Act

 

 

 

 

The Cast:

 

President Joseph Biden (PJB)

First Lady, Jill Biden (JB)

Vice President, Kamala Harris (KH)

 

 

 Scene One 

Sometime in the Fall of 2021

Bedroom, Executive Residence, White House

The President is being awakened from his afternoon nap by his wife, Jill

 

 

(JB). Did you have a good nap, Honey?

(PJB). Oh, yes. I’m feeling energized and ready for my afternoon meeting with President Obama.

(JB). Joe, you are the President now.

(PJB). I am? Oh, my God. Did something happen to Barack while I was napping?

(JB). No. He’s fine.

PJB). Thank God. I like that boy. Anyway, I had this nightmare that Donald Trump was President.

(JB). It wasn’t a nightmare, Joe. Trump was President. You defeated him in last November’s election.

(PJB). I bet it was it a landslide. I probably got forty-nine states like Mondale did against Reagan.

(JB). That was the other way around Joe. Your election was, well, almost a landslide.

Jill hands him his afternoon medication (Ritalin) and a glass of water

(JB). Here, take this. It will help you get started this afternoon. You have a busy schedule.

The President takes the med

(PJB). What is this stuff, anyway? Tastes good.

(JB). Just a vitamin supplement and a bit of caffeine.

(PJB). Well, thank you, Dear. I don’t know where I’d be without out you.

(JB). (Whispering): In the Crazy Horse Retirement Village.  

(JB). We need to get going.  You have a very important meeting in five minutes with Kamala Harris.

(PJB). Pamela Harris. Do I know her?

(JB). Kamala Harris, Joe. She’s your Vice President.

(PJB). Oh yes, of course.  She’s black, right? I promised a black woman for VP.

(JB). Yes, she’s black.

(PJB). Why is her name “Kamala” then instead of “Pamela”?

(JB). She’s Indian.

(PJB). I thought you said she was black.

(JB). She’s both.

(PJB). Now, I’m confused.

(JB). We need to get to the meeting. Chop, Chop, Joe.

 

        

Scene Two

 

Oval Office

Joe and Jill Biden are awaiting the arrival of the Vice President

Enter Kamala Harris.

 

(KH). Good afternoon, Mr. President.

(PJB). Good afternoon Pamela. I must say, you’re looking very “hot” this afternoon. You look like you could use a shoulder massage?

 President Biden moves toward the Vice President preparing to grasp her shoulders

(JB). Joe, the Vice President has a very serious matter to take up with you.

           The President shrugs and moves back next to Jill Biden

(PJB). Ok, shoot, little lady.

A startled Kamala recovers and smiles

(KH). Thank you, Mr. President. May I call you Joe?

(PJB). You can call me Joe. You can call me Moe. You can call me Curly.  Just don’t call me Larry.

Kamala looks bewildered.

(PJB). That’s was a joke, Pamela.

Kamala remains bewildered

(JB) to (KH). The Three Stooges. It’s his favorite.

(KH) to (JB). Were they white males?

(JB). Yes.

(KH). Figures.

Kamala with forced laughter

(KH). Yes, very funny, Joe. You have great sense of humor.

(PJB). Which one was your favorite? I like Moe – rhymes with Joe.

(KH). I like them all equally.

(PJB). Why does that not surprise me? What can I do for you Pamela?

(KH) As you know, for the last nine months in my role as Vice President I have enjoyed extraordinary success, more so than any of the males in history who have occupied that office.

(PJB). Wait. I think I was Vice President. What about me?

(KH). What exactly did you do?

(PJB). I invented the internet.

(KH). That was Al Gore.

(PJB). I put an end to systemic racism.

(KH). It’s worse than ever.

(PJB). I wrote the Obama Care legislation.

(KH). That was Nancy and Harry.

(PJB). I was champion for the transgendered gang

(KH). You and every other Democrat, Joe. 

The President looks irritated

(PJB). Call me Mr. President.

(KH). Yes Mr. President.

(PJB). So, what’s on your mind, Pamela?

(KH). Given my success, I believe I am ready for the next step.

(PJB). The next step?

(KH). Yes, Mr. President.

(PJB). And what would that be?

Kamala and Jill exchange knowing looks.

(KH). That would be the Presidency, Sir. The first black female President.

The President looks at his wife then back at Kamala.

(PJB). But, I thought that I was – am – President. I’m confused.

Jill puts her hand on the President’s knee.

(JB). Well, yes, dear. You are confused, and that is why we are having this meeting. Which why Kamala and I have decided that it would be best for you to hand the reins over to her, so to speak, and let her carry out all the wonderful initiatives I – I mean, you – have begun. You’ve done so much for this country. Now, you deserve to relax and receive the gratitude of the American people for your service, and, of course, those nice people in Ukraine whom Hunter helped so much.

(PJB). Well, ok Sis. It hasn’t been all that much fun, anyway. Hey, Pamela, good luck. Don’t let those lying, dog-faced pony soldiers get you down.

 

 Is it too late to catch an episode of Gilligan’s Island?

  

Stephen Paul Foster's newly published novel